Painful Night !

Firstly, i am really sry to have made u angry just now and at the time when ur mood is so low.

Its been 2 months and a week since we got together already ! throughout this time i had been making u angry sad emotional and stuffs like that i am very regretful for being so foolish and being so stupid all this time ! i am such a idiot to have done so many childish and idiotic things to make u angry.

this mistakes done by me are not forgivable ! ure my GF and i should have known that ure sensitive and that i should have looked out for it as a duty of a boifrnd ! i failed at it badly ! i sucha lousy boifrnd for u ! i feel so guilty for making u cry and making u angry all this time ! even when ure having ur period i provoked and made u angry ! i feel so stupid for doing so !

u told me alot of things today when ure angry ! u told me i could have done a better job as a boifrnd how much i failed badly as ur boifrnd ! it hurted me soo deeply and so painful to have heard that i was worse den even alvin ! i am so sry to have been such a lousy boifrnd ! not caring for u enough to just keep tht vibrant smile hanging up on ur face.

i just love to see u laugh and see u smile ! i manage to make u happy the day b4 when we went out and i was sooo delighted that i finally was able to make my GF laugh so happily ! i wished that i had learnt this ablity to make u smile and laugh all the time ! bud my humour is just too much for one to take ! too over board ! and its just soo stupid of me !

i feel liek dying ! i feel so pain now ! i feel so sad and depressed ! i dint want u to feel out of love ! we had been quarrel much lately and i had been blaming myself since ! why couldnt i jsut done better ! we were tgt for 2 mths oreadi yet i still dun totally unds u which i shuld have ! i dint took the effort to find out wad exactly was u expecting from me which is totally unforgivable as a bf i shuld have done my very best to find out.

it was me that made u sad. it was me that made u angry, i am just so sry and nth i do can reverse the effect of the damaged i had cause on u. maybe u did regret having me as ur boifrnd bud i am very sure i did not regret having u as my Girlfrnd ! ure the best i can ever find and the best i would ever find on this very earth and the rest of the universe !

i wish i was like edwin being so sweet and stuffs like that ! i had read all those emails he sent u ! ever single one of dem ! i was shocked at how great he treated u and comparing myself to him ! I failed greatly ! i feel that i hadnt treated u right how u deserved ! i feel that i am sucha lousy boifrnd ! imma such a loser ! and now i noe why u said that !

i know that u loved me alot and i do so too ! i had love u even more den evryone else in the past ! even my 2 year ex ! i fell so deep and soo hard into love with u and i nvr ever gonna get myself up again ! ever! ure just so perfect for me ! i just wish i was the perfect one for u too ! bud apparently i wasnt that perfect after all ! making u cry worrying for me ! sad for the things i did ! and angry for nth bud my stupidity ! i was i could have been smarter and i wish i could have been better bf ! i promised myself to try harder to improve on myself to work on myself so that i could see that vibrant smile on ur cute face again.

Its my fault for not being understanding ! if i were to be more understaning maybe u would have told me evrything that u dun feel good about ! and evry thing that i had done was for u and that i love u so much.

i just wish i was alwaes dere for u to hug ! i dun mind u throwing ur anger and venting it on me ! but i realise that the one that made u angry in the first place. i am so ashamed being ur bf and i am the only one that had been making u so angry all this time. i am realli regretful about that.

i don mind if ure sensitive ! ure that all along and i know that ! i dint even mind that ! its me that should be more careful whenever i do something. Being sensitive showed me how much u cared about me and how much i matter to u ! it realli hurts me to hear u think that ure not the girl tht i wanted. ure the girl i want and the only girl i would ever want ! ure the ONE AND ONLY that i would be with for the rest of my life ! as long as i live i would love u ! my love for u is ever increasing ! even though we might quarrel and u might be sensitive ! i still love u sooo much !

i was really shocked when u said i duno u at all ! i did know u ! just that i dint noe u totally ! not evrything ! bud i am in the process of knowing evry single thing that u like and dislike ! its realli hard to know evrything if u dun tell me how u feel inside ! it would help if u pour out evrything to me rather den keeping ur worries and pain inside of u making u feel worse and making me feel worse seeing u like this !

i am a beri paranoid guy and its how i am! i think alot whenever u say things liek who who who is gd who who who is sweet ! i get affected just so much ! then when u start to do things like not wanting to hold my hand and not wanting to talk to me den i would over react and make u angry again ! sometimes ure just trying to get my attention and maybe just joking bud i took it over seriously cuz i just cared too much for u !

i sometimes feel so depressed thinking i could have been a better bf for u and that if someone had treated u better u would be snatched away from me ! this jsut haunts me and motivate me to treat u even better den be4 bud i still wasnt treating u the way u expected from me which was jsut sooo disappointing for u !

sometimes i hope u would just pour evrything that ure thinking to me so i could be a better bf. i hope that i was the onli one that u would complain to. i hope that i was the onli one that u would ever love. i hope that i would be with u forever. i hope that i am the onli shoulder u would ever lie on. i hope that i the one that u would listen to on the phone evrynite b4 u slp. i hope i would alwaes be the one u think of b4 u slp. i hope that i am the one u can count on alwaes.

all this hopes are supposed to be accomplished ! bud i just screwed myself for being sucha a lousy bf ! not noticing even the obvious ! i know that u love me alot! and u noe that i love u alot too ! i want to be the one tht care for u the most ! i want u to be walking tgt with me hand in hand tgt through all ur problems !

i really hope it would work out between us cuz my eyes are onli set on u and ure the one that i would be in long term relationship with. i would give in to ur evry need and i would be the onli one that u would ever love ! ure the last person on this earth that i would ever LOVE ! this is the final and only person that will recieve my love and my care and evrythin else ! LAST AND ONLY !

whenever i see a name of a guy appearing on ur blog ! in ur inbox ! its just heart ripping ! especially if its those guys that like u ! i jsut felt this huge rush of jealousy ! i duno if i was too sensitive ! bud no matter who i just get jealous ! excluding those that u had explain ur relation with dem ! i just cared so much on who u talking with who was doing wad ! who u have been complaining to ! it just made me think soo much becuz i cared so much for u!

i really regret doing so much stupid things that made u angry ! even duh it might be mild mistakes bud its nt forgivable for me to hurt u time and time again ! i am just soo naive to think that u would forgive me after i apologize ! i know damaged is done and nothing can reverse it ! i am soo regretful for whatever bad thing that i have done ! being ur boifrnd would be nth less den perfection and nothing bud pure sweetest to u ! i wasnt able to do it bud i hope one day i would be able to fufil all the things u want from a boifrnd ! i want to stay tgt with u ! tgt now alwaes and forever ! my love for u will nvr fade ! nvr be lost ! nvr decrease even if urs for me did ! its reasonable after all the hurt i had caused u !

i noe now no amount of sunflower and drawings can help mend the damaged i had caused u ! i am willing to do anithing just to make sure ur smile comes back to u ! ur having alot of problems lately oreadi and i dun want u to feel worse either ! i know ur family isnt going well and ure feeling very vexed about it ! worry about our relationship problems is just adding oil to the fire ! i am really sry about that !

i not good enuf for u maybe ! bud no matter what happens i would work to be better ! no matter what happens! i would be dere for u all the time ! alwaes ready to be dere ! i admitted that its impossible to be 24 / 7 ready bud i would make sure its to my maximum ability that i would be dere for u alwaes !!

u know that i would alwaes be ready to give u a big warm tigh hug whenever u need it ! i just hope i had stayed near u so that i would alwaes be within ur reach ! i promise that i would be a better bf ! and i know i had made that promise b4 bud i did work very hard on it ! i swear!

sometimes words from my mouth aint wad it was suppose to mean ! i sometimes phrase my sentence wrongly to make u think that i doubt ur love or anithin of that sort ! bud i have totally no doubt about ur love ! and i know u treated me the best that no one else have ! i am the onli one tht recieve this special treatment from u ! and i noe it !.

i just hope we would work it out and one day i would understand u totally and from then on making u smile and laff evry single day would make me extremely happy and satisfied too !

its not that i totally noe nthin about u ! i know u liek taking photos, i noe u liek baby 1 and baby 2, i noe u liek those NUM stuffs, i noe u liek nice dresses, i noe u liek the fried quey tiao from ur hse market dere, i noe u liek horror movies(alduh u are scared), i noe u dun mind action packed movies,i know that u dun like me talking to other girls. u dun liek me to be hanging out arund with other girls without u knowing who they are. i noe u get angry easily, i noe that u are insecure that u duno what is happening to me in TP. i noe that when i reply slowly u feel sians thinking wad i am doing, i noe that u love me alot and care for me alot . i noe that ur family is not treating u the way u shuld. i noe ur problems with ur frnds. i noe u liek sunflower. i noe u liek me to hug to and be dere for u alwaes i noe u would like me to be able to hang arund and mix with ur friend. i noe u wish our r/s would last. i noe u done alot for mee too which i din see and u dint told me. i noe u have been trying beri hard too to maintain the relationship. i noe u liek my perfume thats why i have been putting it on whenever i see u. i noe u are afraid of cats and cockroaches. i noe u dun liek to drink medicine. i noe u dun bitter stuffs . i noe u liek chilli and ketchup both at the same time depending on wad food u eat. i noe u liek root bear rather den coke. i noe u liek ribena sparkling. i noe u dun liek gas drinks . i noe u liek those helium balloons. i noe u liek DOMO. i noe u like blogshopping and blog hopping. i noe u liek to slp . i noe u fall aslp on phone beri often. i noe u love ur mum. i noe ur aunt is an ass. and many many more
i jsut hope i noe evrything about u ! wadever u liek wad problems u have ! remember evry single thing in my mind instead of listing it down somewhre.

i had been insensitive alot of the time ! maybe cause i am such a joker !
i had all my first to u ! my first time writting a long post for a girl . my first flower to a girl. and many other first that i had done with u and many other first's thth i want to do tgt with u.
and i want to let u noe that all those tears that i dropped for u just is worthwhile if it would show how much i love u and how much i cared for u. i am alwaes happy with u by my side and alwaes be happy with u by my side.

i been having problems in sch and having problem in the family lately and i am trying my best to be able to work all these things out and make sure evrything goes the right way, the way it should be. i cant slp without listening to ur voice evry night. i cant live without hugging u and feeling ur warmth. i cant smile without u showing me cute faces, my life is onli colourful when ure here !

and BABY I LOVE U ALOT! ! ALWAYS HAD AND ALWAYS will ( sry for using ur sentence bud i couldnt think of anithin better )

UR DEAREST BOIFRIEND WILL ALWAES BE DERE WITH YOU AND FOR YOU !

p.s Good luck for ur ENTERPRISE UT TMR dearest Jessie

my mum is naggin me now disowning me as her son ? just becuz i on com for so long ?
FK ! doesnt she unds ? its not tht i dun wanna tell u ! i din meant to on computer for so long ! i jsut realli cant put myself to slp
with all these worries and thoughts on my heart.

I AM SRY MUMMIE.
trying so hard to put myself to slp.

画面不动了 情歌不唱了
爱情的重播键明明一直按着
什么原因 让时间停了
在伤心的镜头被停格

电梯不动了 爱也停止了
可是坠入的感觉怎么还在呢
热闹的街道还在狂欢着
为何我却孤单 飘浮着

无重力腾空 慢慢跌入无尽的黑洞
没知觉的伤痛 飘荡的心 却摔得更重

我爱你 你爱我 是不是 还不够
我不懂 为什么 付出的 全落空
无重力 爱坠落 粉身碎骨的我
不受控制的手 还能抓住什么

我爱你 你爱我 算不算 是承诺
全世界 都沉默 没声音的嘶吼
无重力 爱坠落 最缓慢的折磨
只剩遍体鳞伤的我 撑到最后